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Why I Write

I need to write almost as much as I need to breathe. Its my way of making sense of things, of clarifying ideas. Its how I discover what it is I really think, feel or believe about things.

When I don’t write, I start to feel overwhelmed. My head is so busy with thoughts and ideas spinning around, crashing into each other. There is so much noise in there some days.

Writing allows me to take those thoughts out of my head and put them into some sort of order. It allows me to experience peace. It allows me to focus. It allows me to reflect and to learn.

I write every day, in many forms, but probably the most satisfying form of all is blogging, even though I don’ t do it very regularly. I think its because its public. I have to be disciplined. I can’t go round and round in circles, navel gazing and being self indulgent. I have to get to the point.

And when I get to the point I learn. I figure out who I am, what I believe in, what I value and what I need to do. It’s how I grow.

That’s why I write.

Why do you write?

I hate people watching me write.

Here is one of my insecurities: I hate people watching me write.

I write and rewrite. I rearrange the words and syntax. I’ll write hundreds and hundreds of words, then delete the whole lot and start again.

It’s this process that helps me work out what it is I want to say.

I’m fairly certain this is normal.

When people start watching me, looking over my shoulder, taking an interest in what I’m doing, it unsettles me.  I don’t want them to see my half-formed thoughts on the screen or on the page.

Writing demands a response. We see the words and we form judgments. We have no choice in this. We relate to it, or don’t. We agree or disagree, approve or disapprove,  accept or reject, are interested or bored. You get the idea.

When people view my words before they are ready.  Before the words say what I want them to say, I feel …

I was going to say violated but that is too extreme.

I was going to say exposed or naked, but those words won’t do either. They imply that by looking, people will see what is really there – the real me, warts and all.  Unfinished thoughts aren’t a form of nakedness. Nakedness is a form of truth, but unfinished writing – well that’s more likely to be a form of untruth.

When people view my words before they are ready I feel embarrassed because the words aren’t ready to be looked at yet. And I mean REALLY embarrassed. My stomach knots inside of me. I feel like I’m naked with a million cameras and eyes on me (okay, so maybe the naked analogy DOES work). I fold my arms and hug them into myself. I wait tensely until whoever it is goes away.

Then I feel angry.

And then I feel guilty for being angry with people who are “just taking an interest”.

So there you have it: embarrassed, angry, guilty. That’s how I feel when people look at my writing before it is ready.

Some Blogs Worth Reading

Just over a week ago, the very lovely Brenna Gee of Space2Live was kind enough to nominate oneregard for the Liebster award. I have been very tardy in saying ‘thank you’,  I’m afraid.

Liebster is a German word, meaning dearest or beloved. The Liebster Blog Award is given to new blogs, or to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.

To begin with, I would like to say thankyou to Brenna for nominating my blog for this award. It is an enormous compliment and I am very honoured. Brenna’s blog is thought-provoking and often inspiring. If you haven’t read it before then I recommend you check it out.

From Brenna’s blog, here are the Liebster Blog Award rules:

1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

2. Reveal your top five picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Post the award on your blog.

4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere – other bloggers.

5. And, best of all – have fun and spread the karma

It was difficult to choose just 5 blogs for the award, and this is part of the reason for my delay in publishing my acceptance. The blogs I settled on often inspire me and bring me happiness. I don’t know if they all qualify under the less than 200 followers rule, but nevertheless, here they are:

 D K Zody’s Weblog D K Zody lives in Fresno CA. Its a very different part of the world from my home in Australia. She writes about the small things – a trip to the local mall or the view from a window.  There is something about the way she writes that I love. I feel like I’m there with her and I just love the wisdom, insights and reflections she draws from the spaces she inhabits.

Knotrune This one I love for similar reasons to D K Zody’s blog.  Knotrune is from somewhere in the UK. She began blogging about being a runologist, which seems a fascinating subject, but as the blog has evolved she writes more about the daily events of her life, and most recently, the decluttering and reorganisation of her home. Again, I really enjoy peeking through this window into her world.

Edwirinia Edwirinia is a good friend of mine, but she also happens to be an excellent writer. She writes about the books she has been reading and updates about once a month.  I always find her updates interesting.

Me! Me! Me! Me me me! I was drawn to this blog because the unashamedly narcisistic title made me laugh. It is the work of Aquatom. He writes about whatever is in his head – the title says it all really. Sometimes its a stream of consciousness, sometimes he shares his dreams. Sometimes he rambles, other times he is very conscise and focused. He always has something positive to say and always makes me smile.

Debbie Adams Debbie shares her beautiful artworks online, and also blogs from the point of view of her cute littel dog. We discovered eachother’s blogs through discussion forums on Aquatom’s blog (above). Just a  day after I was given the Liebster award,  Debbie was good enough to nominate oneregard for the sunshine blog appreciation award – another amazing compliment.

To accept that award, I have to nominate 11 blogs and answer a series of questions. As it’s taken me quite a while to work out my five for the Liebster Award,  I think I will have to reflect long and hard before choosing 11 for the Sunshine Blog award. But at this stage at least I would like to thank Debbie publicly for the honour.

Blogging has allowed me to become part of a network of  some amazing people who are also very encouraging and supportive. It has been lovely to meet you all. Thank you to everyone who drops by my blog, especially those who leave comments or likes a post.