Fruit Shop Wars 2 – Karma strikes back

What is the best way to deal with bad manners? Yesterday I posted about some of the incidents at my local fruitshop, and my decision to act in a way which I hoped was assertive, but no doubt left the other shopper feeling bad. I hoped that by pointing out her lack of courtesy she might change her ways in future.

But now, as I reflect on that, I now start to think my own reaction was ridiculous. I kept calm – and certainly wasn’t aggressive but my motivation was all wrong. How arrogant of me to think that I have the right to try to make others do things differently.

Well last night I realised that I left one of the shopping bags of vegetables at the store. I think I must have been so distracted by the situation that I stopped paying attention to what I was doing. So I had to go down there today and buy it all again – a waste of time and money.

So now I’m wondering – was that just a little bit of karma?

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6 thoughts on “Fruit Shop Wars 2 – Karma strikes back

  1. Well I don’t know about karma, but life seems to have a way of teaching us something by our own actions. What would you have lost if she had gone first? Did she take anything from you that you deserve? Sure, courtesy, yeah… but what is that?

    Your confrontation in effort to change her was met by equal force. Sure she apologized but she didn’t change. If you had confronted her with harder force, she would likely have responded with equal force.

    This concept is not saying that you should allow yourself to be abused, but will open aggression towards abuse convince the abuser to change? Or will you simply be perpetuating aggression? Instead of aggression you can remove yourself from their ability to abuse.

    However, in this case, what is one item versus five? First versus last? Is there much of a difference?

    I’m not saying don’t say anything. I think initially it was good, you asked if she was aware of what she was doing. I think at the point that you moved in front of her, you became like her in her pettiness.

    What do you think?

  2. Thanks so much for your insights!
    While, I’m not sure that I was aggressive, I agree that I did become petty toward the end.I think that was why I was uncomfortable with my actions, and wrote about it on this blog. I realise now it wasn’t so much about her lack of courtesy or the number of items.I just didn’t like being made to feel small – as if my needs, however petty, didn’t matter.

    Of course, I chose to interpret her actions and to feel that way. Next time, I plan to go in with greater generosity of spirit. I realise now, she didn’t actually make me feel small at all – I did that all by myself. 🙂

  3. It’s an interesting dilemma. Just now I’m having to face it. I’m a part of two private forums and I was banned from one because there were personal problems between me and a couple of the members outside of the forum (meaning, the problems were not on the forum itself). I was banned because the moderators decided to protect the feelings of the active members (I hadn’t been active for a year or so) who were uncomfortable with my being able to read what they were talking about.

    One of the members, not a mod and not one of the people I had a direct problem with, told me to buck off essentially in no uncertain terms. Then on the other forum which we are both a part of he argued against something I said because he recognized it as Taoism and called me out on it, letting me know he was reading my blog and saw that I was interested in Taoism. The forum I still participate in that he called me out on is a Christian forum and so things aren’t particularly accepted if they are in another religion.

    I feel so violated because of the hypocrisy that he would shun me from his group because people were uncomfortable with my reading what they were saying only to turn around and stalk my blog. I could call him out on it, but what would that do? Would it make me feel better? No, because it would give him the power to not respect me yet again. I hold my power by giving it up.

    Be comfortable not seeking to show your greatness for that is what makes you great. It is those who try to prove their greatness that are made small.

  4. I would find that situation very frustrating as well, but as you say – calling him out over his hypocrisy ultimately wouldn’t achieve anything. It would just keep feeding the problem.

    Is your last paragraph another Tao saying? Its interesting, because the same sort of wisdom and truths seem to emerge everywhere. I’ve been reading some psychology books lately (related to my work) and they say the same sort of thing ,

  5. Yeah, it’s a Taoist concept, although who can claim truth to be theirs? If truth is truth then truth is. No one can claim it. =)

    The saying itself speaks of the Tao being great only because it does not strive to prove its greatness and that is why it is great. I’m not a Taoist, but I’ve taken an interest in the Tao Te Ching, for me it greatly explains many things that Jesus spoke about. As I said on my blog I’m from a Judeo-Christian upbringing. I’ve found there to be lots of similarities between some of the things Jesus said and the things written by Lao Tzu. And the Tao Te Ching as a whole seems to go much more in depth to the concepts Jesus talked about. “The first shall be last and last shall be first” for example.

    As far as the hypocrisy situation goes… I don’t really believe in the traditional concept of “karma” as “payback.” But I do believe somehow life has a way of teaching in a form of “karma” so to speak. In that when our actions and words don’t line up with ultimate truth, life will naturally hit us over the head at one point or another to show us what we’re missing. I’m not talking about God taking vengeance, just natural way of life. But what do I know? =P

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